Soulmate, Where Are You?

Originally posted on From Thoughts to Poetry: The Journey Back:

How does someone with so much love

Have no significant other to give

That love to and spend all sorts of time with

I’m so fuckin ready to not wake up alone

I’ll take just hearing your voice

or just you breathing on the other end of the phone

Whoever you are, I know you feel me

I know that you too, are tired of being all alone

Maybe you don’t know who I am

Maybe you do

But god damn whoever you are

I am so fuckin into you

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a little poem before I crash

What’s the difference between you and me?
Not a damn fucking thing…
Same person with the same problem
Living in a world that doesn’t really want us to solve them

Moldy green place
Eco not so friendly
Gettin money is the main race
I choose not… shoes won’t lace
You say the way I want to live is a disgrace
Well then be on your way then
Get the fuck out of my face..

There is no time to be nice anymore
The world won’t change with hugs and high hives
We have to shake them right down to their fuckin core
Force the truth upon them
Even out the score
Because at the end of the day
I refuse to be just another government whore.

good night..

Drunk words for drunk feelings

Originally posted on From Thoughts to Poetry: The Journey Back:

Constantly battling with my past
I wish I could find another character to cast
Because as i’m grateful for the lessons
The present self has an unbareable task

Tryin to deal with everything
The fact that I feel like shitty parent
Lately I’ve begun to resent
Myself as a person on a whole, my heart is permanently bent

I put myself in a hole that I never know if I’ll climb out of
Need some luck..
Tryin to catch the ball but I forgot my glove
I go back and forth
Forgetting that word love
I thought I had a strong heart
But now i think it’s more of stubborn shove

I’m more scared than not
War in my heart
I often wonder what keeps me from startin to rot
Push and pull
My soul is being stalked by a thief that can’t be caught

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First Thoughts of Today

7 hrs of uninterrupted sleep and I feel like myself again.. apparently that’s sleeping in for me (wtf is wrong with that). First thoughts of the day goes like this…

I’m by no means a smart man, I’ve just been through a lot and understand people and like to think logically about most things. I’m not the nicest person. In fact, I make some dirt bag moves on occasion but so have you at some point in your life. My life is not perfect, most of the time I find myself in a nasty game of tug of war I call What’s the right and wrong move? I’ve grown far too tired of hearing what people think about my decisions and if they disapprove or not. At this point, I just don’t care. Remember that just because I don’t give a shit doesn’t mean I don’t respect your opinion. Know that I do keep the ones that matter in my head but ultimately that’s my decision to make.. 

I’m pretty much done looking for another love of my life. Not to say I don’t give a damn because being alone the rest of your life is lame. If it happens cool but I’m just trying to enjoy what time I have left on this earth. For those of you that don’t know, I will be moving back to New York at the end of summer to be back with my son, I just can’t be there enough now to feel good about it. I hate the fact that I have to leave this city because despite the bad things about it, this is my home and I love all of you that I’ve met in it.

The last thing I have to say before I go to the gym is this.. Me being sober or not being sober has nothing to do with any of you and I absolutely mean NOTHING. I don’t really care if you are upset with my many lame attempts at quitting drinking and after this week, I’ve decided that today I am going to have a few beers because well I want to.

Yes this is everything I thought about when I opened my eyes. I dont’ like to lie and trust that when I tell you something it’s 100% honest because I don’t have the time or energy to play games with you. Anyways it’s a beautiful day out so I’m going to enjoy the rest of it, I hope this doesn’t upset any of you but really I’m okay either way.

Remember that even though I try to be fair (try), I am an asshole at heart and that will probably never change. Peace out and here is some chromeo to put you guys in a good mood. Don’t judge my music taste, it’s a waste of your time.