Sometimes I forget your face.
I don’t really forget
But it’s just been so long.
I can’t look at pictures a lot
because I cry at just a quick thought.
I’m thinking back
and I miss you more.
Can’t keep track of how long it’s been.
It all feels like right now
and I’m caught in this circle of reminiscing
I appreciate you more thinking about then.
Regretting we couldn’t help you when
your demons grabbed hold
and not matter what,
their grip would just tighten.
You should be here now
because your grandsons are perfect.
Can’t you come back?
Nothing is okay
I’m just floating down
a river made of my pain and tears.
Please, pull me out?
I’m drowning in mistakes and sorrow.
I got to go…
Hey mom…I miss you.
Can I call you tomorrow?
Solitude has been the most peaceful thing. A Life away from everyone and I couldn’t help it if I tried. It has taken hold of me… I can not feel any connections anymore, finding that when I wish to be honest I can only speak in poems if I choose to bother at all. Life in New York has changed me and I don’t know whether I am happy or sad about this new peace I am finding.
I do not feel lost but rather that I am the only one that isn’t…
Lately I feel like I’m the only one not scared to say exactly what is on my mind. Are we really that afraid of honesty? I mean sure some things are going to be mean but deal with it. We love playing little shadow games with our feelings and thoughts but dude, just fuckin spill it out. If you have a problem with someone or something, fucking say it to whoever caused the problem. Do not air it all over Facebook or write a blog covered in camouflaged as we love to do. If you can’t say it to the person’s face then don’t say it at all. We learned that lesson at a young age did we not?
This post isn’t doing what I just got done bitching about, this IS for everyone. Grow up and deal with your issues like adults or just people with some freakin dignity.
I’m about to explode. I can feel it with every fucking day that passes. My anger for this place, this way of life is far beyond anything I can control. Ever notice how Corporate America is run just like the government of America? Same eyes that have this insane misconception of how to run a successful company and country. Part of me whats to just lock myself in my room and forget about the rest of the world but I have this amazing son that looks up to me so instead I continue this search for my better life. My favorite color is the color of the one thing i hate the most.
I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH HOW THINGS ARE!
I’m tired of how pretty everyone tries to make things seem or you can’t say that because it hurts someone’s feeling. You’ll probably get sued for a comment taken out of context. Like when did we forget how to hold a productive conversation and solve problems with our words instead of our fists and wallets.
WHEN DID WE LOSE OUR BALLS?!
I”m venting here because I don’t know what else to do. I am clinging so desparately for these poems of mine to save me from this world that has been on fire for what feels like my entire existence or longer… I’m working to pay my bills with no fucking chance of ever getting ahead. I need a car I’ll never be able to afford. I should of went to college but that was never even an option and unless someone is going to pay all my bills, will never be an option. Why the hell is tuition more than the average person’s yearly salary anyway. You want us to do great things? Stop lying… we all know you only care about yourself and the others that dance with the devil on top of that bullshit mountain you have created. We seemingly can’t turn away from making dumb decisions. Fuck education right? Who needs original thoughts anymore anyways?!
THE REAL WAR STARTS AND END WITH THE ASSHOLES ON TOP!
… and I hate them all. None of us are even given a chance to succeed anymore because funding is almost non-existent. We call that the war on drugs or the war on guns. We have so many labels for everything that no one can just simply be… I just don’t know what to do anymore… I miss how joyful I use to be. I miss not struggling to stay happy. I have half a mind to drink myself asleep every night because these thoughts DO NOT go away. I’ll never take my own life but I often think about others that have and how I wish we pushed more for them to stay. Age simply is not a factor when it comes to helping another get through the day.
WE NEED MORE REASONS TO NOT WANT TO KILL OURSELVES!
The stress of everything is just too much to deal with and in the end, no one survives. Majority of us are scared to do our own thing because no one wants to be on the outside looking in. So we feel forced to hide within our little circles and talk about how much we hate this world much like I’m doing now. We have these great moments of individualism in the shadows but when the curtains open we go back to being this fucking annoying puppets, me included.
I’M JUST TIRED OF SEEING US LOSE OURSELVES…